no kids, no plants, no pets

That’s always been my motto…no kids, no plants, no pets. I said that to a relatively new friend of mine, and she said, “Oh, nothing that needs nurturing.” That gave me SERIOUS pause. Literally, I stopped in my tracks, my eyes got wide, and I thought, “Can that possibly be true”?

I have always thought it was more of a responsibility issue. I always knew that I didn’t have the patience to raise children, and both kids and pets mean that you have to be home a lot, which I am not. I like the idea of being able to walk out the door of my house, turn the key, and not come back for a month if I don’t want to. Yes, that gives me a lot of freedom, but you remember what Janis said about freedom. The plant thing is just because my housekeeping is sketchy enough without all those dead leaves dropping all over the place.

So what have I done with all that freedom? Usually gotten involved with women with kids and pets. Nearly every serious relationship I have been in has been with a mother. Is it because I am hoping that some of that maternal nurturing will be left over for me, or because it allows me the space, while they are spending quality time with their children, to roam around out there in the world? I am both an extrovert and a seven on the eneagram, so I need lots of external stimulation.

After some serious thought, I decided that my motto did not mean that I was unable to nurture. I bring my girlfriend coffee in bed every day, pack her lunch if we have leftovers, and drive her son all over town.

Last week, when I was out of town, her son and his friend wanted a ride to a party at 10:30 on Saturday nite, and when D. said no, they said, “If Judy were here, she’d take us.” I think my friends see me as someone who will drop everything and lend a helping hand, if possible. So all in all, I’d say I am a pretty good nurturer.

So what did I do this weekend when my girlfriend was away at witchcamp? Took care of her 15 year old son for five days straight, cooked and cleaned up, watered the plants on the rooftop garden, and made sure the cats were fed and let out (no litter boxes here, thank god).

Although I am thoroughly exhausted and don’t understand how women have survived child-rearing, I must say I do have a feeling of satisfaction. Per the magnet on the refrigerator, “I say, if the kids are still alive at five, I’ve done my job.”

No kids, no plants, no pets..... that's not exactly how it turned out. And I couldn't be happier.